TW: I vented a bit with the day's first post, so will revert to less cynical fare.
From Hal McCoy at Dayton Daily News:
"THE SPEAKER...was major-league umpire Charlie Reliford...If the guy quits umpiring, he can do stand-up comedy.
When the crowd gave him a rousing round of applause when he was introduced, he said, “That’s not the way you normally greet umpires. Greet me the way you always do umpires.”
The crowd booed lustily and he said, “Now I feel better.”
He said umpiring is the only job he knows where you have to be perfect your first day on the job, “Then get better.” And he added, “Umpiring is like a toilet. Nobody notices you until you aren’t functioning.”
Former Reds pitcher Don Gullett, from nearby Lynn, Ky., attends the dinner and Reliford said, “You all think Gullett is such a nice guy. I remember a day I was pitching and he sauntered up to me and said, ‘Hey, Charlie. Flip home plate over and read the directions because you ain’t getting ‘em right.’”
Former Reds third base coach Jim Lett, now a coach with the Washington Nationals, is from nearby Nitro, W.Va. and Reliford said Lett walked by while the umpire was sweeping off home plate and said, ‘Hey, Charlie. You’ll make somebody a nice wife some day.” To which Reliford replied, ‘Very funny. Now go into the dugout and tell your hitters that the batter’s box is now part of the strike zone.”
http://www.daytondailynews.com/blogs/content/shared-gen/blogs/dayton/cincinnatireds/entries/2010/01/17/baseball_talk_portsmouth_style.html
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